The Oscar goes to

Random dialog from screenplays I’ll never write:

The Sun Shines Down

Gran’pa: You see Billy? The magic was in you the whole time.
Billy: Are you sure it wasn’t the cancer?
Gran’pa: I’d say 40% magic, 60% cancer.
Billy: So that means I’m cured?
Gran’pa:  No.

Trust, eventually

TJ: I love you Sarah.  I’ve always loved you.
Sarah: Seriously?   Even when I was cheating on you?
TJ: Okay, not so much then, no.

The Darkness and the adventures of Jasper Callaway

Jasper: Hand over the Infinity Key, Cragius!
Cragius: Never!  I’m going to drop the key into the Forever Pit.
Jasper: You wouldn’t dare.
Cragius: Try me.  Your choice, Callaway! Save the Infinity Key… or save Madelyn.
Jasper: You just made your last mistake, Cragius. Madelyn died from massive internal injuries twenty minutes ago.
Craigus: No! Callaway!
<Cue heroic, melancholy music>

The Darkness.jpg
Man, some of these things write themselves.  Your move, Hollywood.

Fourth and sacrifice

John Steele: < in a hospital bed > Let me up. I have to play.
Penny: John, no. You have a broken arm and you’ve just woken up from a coma. You have brain damage! It’s over!
John Steele: What inning is it?
Penny: 3rd quarter, you’re down by a conversion
John Steele: Get me my goddamn tennis racket

The longest Decembers of our romance

Lord Fauntain: It’s over Dee. It’s always been over.
Dee: I believed in you, Lord Fauntain.
Lord Fauntain: The Americans believe in a freedom we British don’t. We can’t win this war. We… we never could
Dee: And what of the Canadians?
Lord Fauntain: … who?

Psychic nightmare

Steve: Ahh!
Shakes: Steve! Wake up!  You made it!  You defeated the monster.
Steve: I barely made it.
Shakes: Is it over?
Steve: I think it is. Shakes. I think it’s over.
Shakes: I guess we won’t be needing this chainsaw anymore.
Steve: Won’t we? <eyes glow red>
Shakes: STEVE!! NO!!!

The View of the Damned

Bobby is sitting in his car in front of a railroad crossing, waiting for the gates to raise.  The guy behind him gets out of the car and knocks on the window.

Bobby: Yes?
Welland: Hey Boy.  You wanna faght?
Bobby: What?
Welland: Do you wanna faght while this train goes by?
Bobby: Are you saying “fight”?  Well.. no.  No sir, I don’t want to fight.
Welland: Them’s faghten’ words!  Lemme jist take off ma faghtin jickit!
Bobby: Umm.. if you took off your “fighting jacket” wouldn’t that mean you can’t fight?
Welland: You college boys crack me up!  Anyone who can take that many knucks to the face is alraght in ma books!
Bobby: To be fair, I never actually took any “knucks” to the face.
Welland: You’re okay fly-boy.  Anytime you need a kick to the nuts, jist gimme a call.  Here’s my number!
Bobby: Thanks?


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