Random dialog from screenplays I’ll never write:
The Sun Shines Down
Gran’pa: You see Billy? The magic was in you the whole time.
Billy: Are you sure it wasn’t the cancer?
Gran’pa: I’d say 40% magic, 60% cancer.
Billy: So that means I’m cured?
TJ: I love you Sarah. I’ve always loved you.
Sarah: Seriously? Even when I was cheating on you?
TJ: Okay, not so much then, no.
The Darkness and the adventures of Jasper Callaway
Jasper: Hand over the Infinity Key, Cragius!
Cragius: Never! I’m going to drop the key into the Forever Pit.
Jasper: You wouldn’t dare.
Cragius: Try me. Your choice, Callaway! Save the Infinity Key… or save Madelyn.
Jasper: You just made your last mistake, Cragius. Madelyn died from massive internal injuries twenty minutes ago.
Craigus: No! Callaway!
<Cue heroic, melancholy music>
Fourth and sacrifice
John Steele: < in a hospital bed > Let me up. I have to play.
Penny: John, no. You have a broken arm and you’ve just woken up from a coma. You have brain damage! It’s over!
John Steele: What inning is it?
Penny: 3rd quarter, you’re down by a conversion
John Steele: Get me my goddamn tennis racket
The longest Decembers of our romance
Lord Fauntain: It’s over Dee. It’s always been over.
Dee: I believed in you, Lord Fauntain.
Lord Fauntain: The Americans believe in a freedom we British don’t. We can’t win this war. We… we never could
Dee: And what of the Canadians?
Lord Fauntain: … who?
Shakes: Steve! Wake up! You made it! You defeated the monster.
Steve: I barely made it.
Shakes: Is it over?
Steve: I think it is. Shakes. I think it’s over.
Shakes: I guess we won’t be needing this chainsaw anymore.
Steve: Won’t we? <eyes glow red>
Shakes: STEVE!! NO!!!
The View of the Damned
Bobby is sitting in his car in front of a railroad crossing, waiting for the gates to raise. The guy behind him gets out of the car and knocks on the window.
Welland: Hey Boy. You wanna faght?
Welland: Do you wanna faght while this train goes by?
Bobby: Are you saying “fight”? Well.. no. No sir, I don’t want to fight.
Welland: Them’s faghten’ words! Lemme jist take off ma faghtin jickit!
Bobby: Umm.. if you took off your “fighting jacket” wouldn’t that mean you can’t fight?
Welland: You college boys crack me up! Anyone who can take that many knucks to the face is alraght in ma books!
Bobby: To be fair, I never actually took any “knucks” to the face.
Welland: You’re okay fly-boy. Anytime you need a kick to the nuts, jist gimme a call. Here’s my number!