Do you hear that sound? It’s the sound of BLACK PANTHER coming to theaters to earn all the money on the planet.
Before we all go collectively ga-ga for the movie, I thought it would be interesting to go back and look at some of the classic Black Panther covers from his comic book days, before he was a huge, cinematic celebrity.
In no order, here are the most WTF Black Panther covers I could find.
Nothing to see here. Just a yellow and white tiger with two legs yelling at the Panther as he gets wrapped up in a dominatrix spike collar by a man wearing skin tight bicycle shorts. Also, is Panther going to attack that tiger, or make out with him?
Also (x2)- KILL MONGER. That was the best name they could come up with.
2. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time
Panther is so depressed to be in prison. He’s not even trying to get out, he’s completely given up and is ready to die. He’s not even reacting to an orange rock monster bashing through rocks (does that count as domestic abuse?)
3. Space… the final yawntier
Look how absolutely fucking bored the Black Panther looks to be getting chased by intergalactic space monsters who are shooting rocket ships at him. Ho hum, says Panther. Whatevs.
4. An elephant never forgets… about revenge
Fuck you, majestic elephant. I don’t care if you’re an endangered species, your eyes are glowing red and now Panther is here to fuck you up.
5. How not to start a query letter to Agents.
Black Panther is your average, everyday ruler of a technologically advanced, secret underground society. But he faces his biggest challenge when he searches for the SACRED WATER-SKIN but instead finds DANGER from the abominable YETI
Also, wow. Way to mix two completely different concepts. He finds a yeti when looking for a water skin. Shitty luck, Panther.
6. Ohh shit.
Look at Panther’s expression there, even he’s like “Ohhh fuck, I’m super out of my depth here. I’m a simple man dressed in a Panther costume, I have no business fighting pink blob monsters for the fate of the world.”
7. Ohhhh shit (part II)
Once again, revel in Panther’s horrified expression at the action unfolding around him. He’s thinking “Can you believe this shit? I’m hanging off a parapet and some fool is wailing on me with a fucking battle axe. These servants are so, so sinister”
8. Face the power of… wait, what?
I totally get that the Panther must face the power of the KLAW (seen screaming at nothing in the background). I also get that he’s got to bring in his crew of Iron Man, Captain America and the Vision to help.
What I don’t understand is why they are attacking a random passerby on a motorcycle, who really just seems to be cheering them on. Go Team! is what he seems to be saying, but they’re about to take him out. Why? Is it the pink pant / yellow shirt combo? The mirror-level reflective glasses? R…racism?
9. Family reunions SUCK
Is it Black Panther who is making them fight? Or the pink blob monster (who is presumably the blob from #6, above).
10. Snakes.. why’d it have to be snakes.
Not much to comment on here except that VENOMM is his name and MURDER is his game. Why the two M’s? Does the extra M stand for murder?
Sh… shit. That’s it, isn’t it? This was the conversation the writers had:
“If his name is just Venom, how will people know what his game is?”
“Well, Venom is a pretty badass name. We should trust the reader to figure it out.”
“Eh, I think we should be safe and throw on an extra M at the end of his name.”
“Of course. The extra M stands for murder. It makes perfect sense. Now pass me that satchel of cocaine.”
So I’m not sure how many of these story beats made it into the actual movie, but I feel pretty confident in saying all of them. Every single one.