5 Famous Authors share their secrets

You may not know this, but I’m best friends with many hundreds of authors.  The great thing about published authors is they’re always willing to help out us, the little guys who are struggling to get our writing off the ground.

I emailed some of my best friends with the question “What is one tip you could give new authors to help them be successful?”

Here’s what they responded:

1. JK Rowling

jk

“I think the best tip I could give new authors is make sure your first novel sells a billion copies.  I tried that technique with my Harry Potter books and it worked out really well for me.  I’m always surprised that more new authors don’t do this, because nothing gives your career a shot in the arm like selling a billion copies on your first try.”

 2. Stephen King

SK

“When I was starting out, the first thing I did was invent a time machine and traveled to a future where I was already a successful author.  Then I murdered myself and came back with all my own stories.  I know what you are thinking.  Why didn’t I simply steal my own stories and leave myself alive?  Sadly, that’s not how time travel works.  I expect my younger self to show up and kill me eventually, but hey, that’s the circle of life for you.  I have no regrets.”

3. George R. Martin

george-rr-martin

“New authors should write what they know.  For example, originally I wrote about being a Sea Captain, because I dress like a Sea Captain and love the sea.  My book was called “100 murders on the Sea” and the main character was called “Sea Captain Stark.”  Unfortunately, there was no market for books about Sea Captains, so I changed every instance of “Sea Captain” to “Westeros” and the rest is history.”

4. Margaret Atwood

Margaret

“I’m Canadian, eh?  So I am heavily subsidized by the Canadian Government as a part of “CanCon” an actual Canadian law that says Canadian publications must produce a set amount of content created by actual Canadians, aboot actual Canadians.  So that was super helpful.  That, and I’m a pretty good author too, which helps a lot.”

5. Robin Cook

Robin Cook

“Not many people know this, but I’m a terrible writer.  My books are hackneyed and trite, filled with crummy writing and cliches.  But, I slept with all my agents.  Male, female, it didn’t matter.  I fucked them all, because I am a sexual powerhouse.  My raw, animal magnetism is undeniable and I can fuck my way into anything. “

 

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