Google has more direct control over my life than my own family. I do exactly what Google tells me, all the time. So, I was interested to uncover what Google Thinks About Writing. What truths of the universe could I uncover? Surely, there is some hidden gem of wisdom that will help me succeed.
I typed a series of phrases into Google to see what I could learn.
#1. Writers are…
I started with a simple phrase. Let’s find out what exactly writers are all about.
Okay, some of these feel right. If we strung it together, we’d get “Writers are weird, crazy, lonely artists who are also poor and insecure.”
That feels depressingly accurate.
#2. Writing is…
Now that I know what I am, let’s see if Google can help me uncover exactly what writing is.
Writing is hard! Hey, that’s the sub-heading of this blog.
#3. Writers have….
So far, Google is coming up with a pessimistic view of writers. But what about what I have? I’m sure Google will tell me writers have happy and fulfilling lives…
Or, I’ll learn I have no sense of scale and no friends. Shit.
I’m really curious about the first result. Are that many people encountering writers who say “I’m going to make the biggest book in the country. No, the world! It will be four hundred stories tall, and every letter will be made from diamonds. It will cost $18 trillion dollars and will block out the very sun.”
It’s good to know we have power. I didn’t know that.
#4. Writers love…
Enough of this doom and gloom. Google, tell me about my loves. Of summers spent among the roses, sipping at sunlight, drinking deep at the cup of life.
Cats? Writers love cats? And affairs and Justin Bieber? What the hell, Google. You’re all over the map here.
I have to admit though, I really do love movie.
#5. Writers hate…
Surely, Google will have a decent handle on all the things I hate.
I laughed out loud at this one. Writers hate writing, their own work and each other. Yep. That pretty much sums it up. Google completely nailed that one.
Also, 100% of writers exist because they hate math.
#6. Why are writers…
Okay, last one. Now that I know exactly how I think about myself, let’s figure out what other people think about writing.
Sigh. Good to know. I’m a depressed, pretentious alcoholic.
Also – always cold? Why are writers always cold?
Following the search, apparently that’s a joke.
Q: Why are writers always cold?
A: They’re surrounded by drafts.
Ha. Good one, Google. You know me so well.