Definitive Ranking of Every Heist Movie With the Word Ocean in the Title

Come on.  Is this… is this the article?  I’m just going to crank through movies with “Ocean” in the title?  This is the best idea we could – ?

Okay, screw it.  Here we go.

#8: Ocean’s Thirteen

thirteen

I mean, it had to be this piece of shit at number eight, right?  Have anyone even seen this?  I haven’t.  I’m sure it’s barely even a movie.  It’s a collection of shots of George Clooney smirking.  Why are they all at a table?

#7: Ocean’s Twelve

Twelve.jpg

Alright, so Ocean’s Twelve.  Danny and the gang come back for one more heist, because Andy Garcia (and the plot) need them to do things.  I never saw this movie, unfortunately I missed it when it was in theaters.

“Twelve is the new Eleven.”  Shut up, movie.

#6: Deep End of the Ocean

Deep End.jpg

This movie is about a kidnapping, which is kind of like a heist, right?  A heist where instead of snappy banter and great suits, the theme of the movie is sadness?
I didn’t actually see this one either, but the tag line says “The search for her son was over.”  So…. I’m going to assume this is pretty dark.

For someone who is missing a son, Jodie Foster sure does look happy.

#5: Ocean’s Eleven: The Original

Eleven orgiginal

Have you ever noticed that any time Frank Sinatra is on a movie poster, he looks angry and confused?   He’s like “Get that effing camera out of my face,” and I’m sure the guy is like “Dude, I’m just doing my job.”

I haven’t watched this, but I’m sure it’s fine.  Or not.  Let’s keep going.

#4: Oceans Seven Eleven

seven eleven.jpg

Check out the IMDB description for this.

Clooney Ocean is the king of scams, but for once this scheme is about more than just a monetary payoff. He’s a small time crook with a big time idea and with the help of his partner in crime, Dusty; they assemble a semi-skilled team of cons and crooks. Bound together by a common goal, the crew sets out to pull off the ultimate heist; well, at least a pretty good one. 7 Is The New 11! www.oceans711.com Written by Anonymous

CLOONEY OCEAN.

That’s why I rated this as high as I did.

Also – I did not see this movie.

#3: Ocean’s Eight

Eight.jpg

Some of you may be wondering why this is rated higher than the original Ocean’s Eleven.  The answer may surprise you: I’ve never seen this movie.

Here’s what I like about it.  It’s a movie, and it’s got a lower number than the original.  11 – 8 = 3, so that’s where I put it.  #3.

#2: Planet Ocean

Planet.jpg

In this one, Danny and the crew steal an entire Ocean.  I guess there’s enough to go around, how many are there, like fourteen I think?

Consider this: I never saw this movie.  Don’t know what it’s about.  But I’d be willing to bet that the whale featured on the cover dresses in snappy suits and has some good back and forth with a Brad Pitt-type character (played by a hammerhead shark?  Probably)

 

#1 Ocean’s Eleven

Eleven remake.jpg

By virtue of being the only movie on this list that I’ve seen, Ocean’s Eleven wins.  It was an “ok” movie.  The suits were great and everyone in it is very, very attractive.  It’s also very realistic, except for the scene where they give Scott Cann work as an actor and put him in a movie.  I didn’t buy that part.


Sorry I didn’t get to Ocean’s 1 through 7, but I’ve never seen any of those, and also, I thought I had enough Ocean movies already.

Aside from that, did I miss any Ocean movies?

 

 

 

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